Gee…It’s been almost a month since I posted. Most of you already know why, but for the rest of you, my husband passed away.
It’s been a very strange 20 days since I last posted. Days filled with hospital runs, meals eaten without tasting, fake hope, and desperate tears that felt like acid as they ran from our eyes.
But each day, I have my memories to keep me going. I have new hope, fresh food, and thoughts about my future (which seems a little faint at the moment).
I know you all are feeling bittersweet for me. It’s awful to lose a spouse, but my hubby had cancer, and it was a terrible terrible life for him. It sometimes is kinder to let them slip away into the night than to beg them to stay. What are they staying for? More of the same…and that is just cruel.
I just want you all to know that I am okay. I am functioning. I have days where I back tears of loss, and trepidation for the future. I have days where I laugh at stupid stuff and wonder if I am being unfaithful to his memory.
But if you knew him, you would know, he would fuss at me for being sad. He would tell me that he isn’t sad one bit to be free of a diseased body and all the terrible drugs and treatments that went with it.
So, I covet your prayers, your love, your support, and mostly, your smile. Make me happy. Tell me jokes. Give me something to look forward to each day, and I will be just fine. I thrive on love, and laughter, and lightness.
And just know, I will be just grand. There is nothing to fear but the unknown and I am trying hard to shed a little light on that too, by making plans to have a happy life.
And thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being my friend.